Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Questions regarding Questions

Q. What is a question?

A. A "question" may be either a linguistic expression used to make a request for information, or else the request itself made by such an expression. This information is provided with an retort called "an answer".

Q. What is The Question?

A. An author-proxy of Steve Ditko during the height of his Objectivist phase.

Q. Is The Question cool?

A. Not really. It was made cool by Alan Moore, who turned it into Rorshach for Watchmen.

Q. Who is The Question?

A. Currently Renee Montoya, a Hispanic Lesbian ex-police cop.

Q. Why?

A. To really stick it to Ditko.

Q. How do we know when we're being asked a question?

A. In spoken form, a slightly irritating upward lilt at the end of the sentence. In written form, the question mark (?). If the end of every sentence is in a slightly irritating upward lilt, you are not hearing questions, just the accent of an Australian.

Q. Do Australians understand that this is annoying?

A. Not likely, as Australians are rarely sentient.

Q. What is the best way to answer a question?

Q. With another question?

Q. That's not fair. Try again.

S. That's not a question, that's a command. And this is a statement.


A. The Buddha said there are four ways to answer any question: Straightforwardly (yes, no, ask again later, outlook hazy), answers that clarify the question ("I think you mean..."), answers that should be answered with a counter-question and answers that should be shelved for later.

As the Buddha is generally regarded to be the most obnoxious man of all time, take those as you will. For example, anybody who answers a question with a clarification of what the question meant should be killed.

Q. How?

A. Brutally.

Q. What are the most important questions to ask?

A. The kind that get one labeled in such a way as to be a new kind of Smurf. "Quixotic Smurf," for instance, "Curmudgeonly Smurf," "Histrionic Smurf" and "Desperate Smurf" are all reasonable question-scenarios.

Q. Which Smurf are you?

A. "Angry Smurf".

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